Dog Comms
Part 1: Our Tone of Voice
How does our tone of voice affect our communication with our dogs?
This is the first part in an occasional series looking at aspects of dog communication. We will be looking at signals between humans and dogs in both directions and also of course dog to dog. Although body language is always top of the list, I am starting with our tone of voice when we address our dog, because this can be the most overlooked.
I was recently training with a couple and their dog responded quite well when person A asked their dog to do something. Person B suggested they could not elicit the same response. Intrigued, I suggested we swap over and try. The first thing I was looking for was actually their body language. Were they setting their bodies in the same way, or unwittingly transmitting different signals? They were indeed. The next thing was were they actually using the same word or words? (Surprisingly easy not to do this!) Yes, they were. With both those boxes ticked, and it was obvious to see, we are left with one thing: tone of voice.
Old School
Thankfully the old school way of doing things has long been debunked: shouting at your dog or “ordering” in a tone that suggests a threat. Many times I’ve seen a dog respond to a verbal cue not because they’re fine with it but because they are actually intimidated. Reining back our tone of voice is a more common scenario for me than taking it up a notch. At the other extreme though we can also over-compensate. And feel we have to ask our dog to do or not do things in the same tone of voice as if we were whispering sweet nothings to them snuggling on the sofa. So, is there a middle ground here?
Calm and Control
The answer is yes, but it depends. We need to ask ourselves two questions and your answer to each of them will tell you how your tone of voice is shaping (or not!) your dog’s response to you. We’ll look at both questions but first let’s briefly consider my golden rule. Whatever your unique tone of voice and regardless of the scenario, does your voice imply Calm and Control? This should not be mistaken for some misplaced idea of Dominance. By control I mean control for both of you, not just of your dog.
I’m suggesting our own behaviour should exude Calm and Control. I feel calm and I have this under control.
Does a panicky or shouty or angry voice suggest this? Absolutely not. Does your dog pick up on this? Absolutely yes. But what kind of voice exudes both these elements? Well, it can be both a gentle, soft voice, and also a firmer, more confident voice. (Note how I choose my words.) Which one it is depends on our answer to our two questions which we will now look at.
Q1. What vocal tone does your dog normally respond to?
This might sound silly. Of course he listens to my voice! But I’m talking about the more subtle variations. When I’m training, I always talk about asking rather than commanding your dog, because building trust is a key element of my training. And to build trust, we want your dog to want to listen to what you are saying. Not be afraid of your tone of voice for starters.
So if you are struggling with your dog’s response to your voice, think of the two C’s (Calm and Control), take a deep breath, and experiment with the same word like a Sit – making sure you reward each time. Observe your dog’s body language and how they look at you when you vary your tone from soft to a little firmer. You will find you should not have to ask too hard, and your default tone of voice should be on the softer side. We want to find the sweet spot.
If you do find your dog only responds to an aggressive tone, this will be because either the Sit is not trained in properly and they are trying anything to try to placate you, or you use that tone of voice for everything. In both of those cases, it’s time for a change.
Q2. What’s the emotional temperature?
In other words, what tone of voice does the situation merit? Advocating force-free training doesn’t have to mean we aren’t allowed to raise or firm up our tone if required. Our dogs actually expect us to. Because they do it themselves with their own vocal communication. They absolutely understand a changing tone and timbre. Lower, deeper growling and barking for example is a more serious level. Conversely, sometimes it might actually be more effective to go the other way and lighten our tone. Let me give you two of my own examples.
Same scenario: it’s dark, it’s raining outside, it’s bedtime, and the dog hasn’t toileted since the afternoon. Ugh! Same cue I use: “Let’s go outside”.
Variation One: the dog is fast asleep on his cushion and exudes an aura of having no intention of going anywhere at this moment. Rather than my normal and neutral tone of voice, I will actually whisper it near his ear, with a big “?”. I can see his eyes open and the brain engaging with the idea, whereupon I may add in my “pee” cue and repeat the whispered question. Almost always works!
Variation Two: if the above falls down, or more usually if he is wide awake and aroused with other things, my tone of voice will lower. This time I’m dropping the “?” and leaving no doubt: we are going outside! Unquestionably a statement of fact, issued in a lower, moderately louder tone of voice, is more effective for this emotional temperature.
This doesn’t imply males, females and children should all try to emulate the same unnatural scary voice – not at all. A dog is very adept at recognising subtle changes in your tone. If your tone is naturally quiet and high, simply lower your tone and raise your volume one notch. Subtle but unmistakable. If you are already boomy and scary with the everyday things, you have no room to go. Only sounding more desperate, panicky, or even aggressive. And that’s no way for you or your dog to live. It’s exhausting.
Balance in everything
It’s the same thing when we use a “Wait” or a “Leave”: my Wait means business if I am sensing real danger as opposed to simply hang-on-a-minute. But I’m not shouting or being aggressive, simply lowering my tone a notch, emphasising the syllables in the word. Your dog appreciates clarity and should respond in kind. We just need to keep a balance. And if our default voice is mild, we can maintain that trust. And we have room for variation when it really is needed.
