Author: Chris Howles

Let’s talk about Separation

What do you do when you come back?

A friend of mine went away for a week on urgent business at short notice. She is normally the one in her household who is with her dog during the day. The dog has no history of separation anxiety – she can go out for a few hours without any issues. On this occasion however, she did have to go away in a pretty much drop-everything-and-just-go fashion. She said good-bye to her dog – let’s call him Buddy – in her usual low key way, and off she went!

Arrangements were made for Buddy to remain at home with her partner being there for him most of the time. During her absence, Buddy apparently was clearly missing his mum as it became more apparent that she was not going to come back after a few hours. He coped well enough but was not quite his usual happy-go-lucky self. After all, this was unusual and different from his normal routines. Dogs hate routines being disrupted.

When she did return after a week, she told me that Buddy’s behaviour was strange. Rather than zoomies of excitement, after a tail wag or two and a polite greeting, Buddy went back to his bed. And he seemed uncertain, maybe aloof, for another five days. After that, all was forgiven it seems.

“He had the right hump with me” she said.

The coming back

I found her story fascinating. There were obvious reasons for her sudden and unusually long absence to potentially trigger all kinds of behaviours in Buddy. But when she returned to him…?

“How did you greet him when you came back”, I asked?

“The same way I always do: low key, no big deal etc.”

It got me thinking about the coming back. There is a lot of advice around about separation anxiety or lesser problems related to separation from your dog. And even the better training programmes around these focus on the leaving. What happens before. And this is right, because it is your behaviour before you leave that triggers a certain emotional response in your dog. And we have to get this part right, because from this, everything else flows. But we should not ignore the what-happens-after. It should not be an after-thought. Act like it’s no big deal when you return, is the standard advice. And this is generally sound, because:

1. We maintain the link in the emotional chain that the whole event of your absence is calm, a low emotional temperature.
2. We don’t want to reinforce the idea of your absence being traumatic and over-emotional by overdoing the return greeting. “Wow, this is a big deal, thank goodness you’ve come home then” thinks your dog.

But do we need to be more clever about this? The leaving part is universal. The during part – the absence – is variable. In my friend’s case, it was a completely novel and extreme experience for Buddy. Normally a few hours became a week. So the coming back part: should it really be one-size-fits all?

Can dogs hold grudges?

Let’s break it down for Buddy. When it became apparent the separation was not the routine, he became a little anxious. After a few days, much more so. Getting on for a week later, perhaps we are in abandonment or even grieving territory. Seriously. Because this had never, ever happened before. Dad was behaving normally during this time, all the other routines are still in place, so maybe it’s not so bad. But still. Is she ever going to come back?  

Well, she did! A dog is a highly sensitive, emotional being. His mum’s return would have included everything you are imagining: surprise, relief, and pure joy. But what was mum’s reaction? Meh. No big deal, let’s everyone keep calm. We don’t want to start a separation problem here. All good intentions, and by the book too. So did Buddy then have the hump and resent his mum for doing this? Was it the prolonged separation itself, or her (managed) emotional reaction to him when she returned after an exceptional separation?

Separation, trust and confused emotions

Some behaviourists maintain dogs do not hold grudges. Many dog owners might say differently, although it would be short-lived. Dogs are naturally forgiving creatures after all. But I think it’s more complicated than this. I think what happened with Buddy was confusion and perhaps a small and temporary breakdown in trust. Buddy may not be able to articulate this to himself as having the hump. Rather, he needed some space (literally) and time to work through some emotional confusion.

The trust was momentarily eroded when mum went away for longer than The Contract states. The routine was dramatically broken. After days passed, Buddy was trying to emotionally adjust to his mum not being there. Life goes on, but she always comes back (after a few hours) and this time she didn’t. The confusion arose when she suddenly did come back: he was not actually emotionally prepared for this. He was surprised. And he certainly wasn’t prepared for her well-intentioned but slightly subdued greeting not matching the intensity of his feelings. So I think it’s a bit of both: it was a longer absence, but what came after compounded Buddy’s own reaction.

I’m back!

When separation is routine and for shorter periods, keeping the greeting calm when you return is good practice. And by the way, calm does not mean ignoring your dog. You can still have a nice interaction and let your dog know you are pleased to see them without building in excitement. But where a much longer absence is an exceptional event, maybe the emotional straight jacket can come off.

So when you do come back after a long holiday, build in a couple of the routine shorter separation events quite promptly after your return. This is reinforcing the normal, calmer routine (The Contract) for your dog. And if your dog wants to give you the welcome of a lifetime after an exceptional and long absence, open your arms and heart to them! Be true to your emotions. Taken together, trust is reinforced: you always come back!

Do Places have meaning for dogs too?

How does a particular Place fit into your dog’s perception of their world?

Last summer we had a break in Northumberland, a place close to my heart because of family roots. And I always appreciate being a couple of degrees cooler up there in these hotter summers! Of course, a long walk along part of Hadrian’s Wall is a must. This is a mainly on-lead excursion for dogs. But I knew mine would still appreciate the novelty of the wide, windy vistas, and for us humans the wild beauty of this landscape.

What did surprise me was my dog’s reaction when we came upon the famous Sycamore tree. It’s not that it (was) such a majestic, imposing tree. It’s also about its situation. It somehow chose to grow in defiance, in the most unlikely of places, next to an old stone wall in an otherwise bleakly beautiful and largely treeless landscape. Whether you approach from east or west, following the wall’s steep crest, you suddenly look down on this huge tree. It still takes you by surprise even if you know it’s going to be there. Our dog had never been here before so to him it was a genuine surprise, and his reaction was fascinating. He stopped his usual springer I’m-not-sure-why-but-let’s-keep-going momentum and seemed transfixed. You just don’t expect a huge tree to suddenly be there. Just in the same way your dog might fixate on a snowman, or a shopping trolley left in a field. Something has changed. Or does that belong there?

Of course, the tree is no longer there. This means something to me because for us humans Places familiar to us carry meaning. So I got to thinking, on some level can it be the same for dogs too?

Dogs remember places

Remembering is not the same as feeling, but of course they do. The short-term memory of returning home never leaves them when out on a walk. They know where home is, and (hopefully!) they are happy enough to return home. Because that is where they should feel their most secure. If you take them on holiday for a week or even two, their reaction on returning home should be the same, if not a little more amplified (in either direction in the case of the post-holiday blues!).

How about if you return to a holiday place after a year, or even two? Doubtless your dog will remember that place too. Watch their emotional response to when you get nearer to the special place. It is likely to be more elevated and exaggerated – I would hazard to guess they would “know” when you get quite close to the place. Pacing, tail-wagging, sniffing the air… “Oh yes, I remember this!” And how we delight in the arrival ritual and seeing our dog charge around sniffing every corner… perhaps to see if it was just like they remembered? A brand-new place of course holds excitement too, but I’ve watched the emotional response carefully and there is without question a difference. So how can we account for this?

A Place in microcosm

If you try moving your dog’s main bed (for a good reason – don’t take this lightly), the results can be mixed. After initial perplexment (something has changed!), they may take to the new location. But sometimes they simply don’t. Getting used to the new setting can be disturbing – the familiarity of the old Place has gone. And frankly you are better off putting things back to how they were.

Is it the Place itself, or the Event?

We should be careful not to anthropomorphise dogs – in other words, humanise them and interpret their behaviour accordingly. So let’s look at a Place on a bigger scale and break down the walk. Assuming there is no anxiety in the background, your dog should be “happy” to go for their walk because, and in this order:

1. They are with you (the Event)
2. It’s The Routine, and dogs love routine (the Event and Place)
3. They are anticipating the familiarity of the smells, sights and sounds, maybe even friends, which they find comforting (the Place)
4. They are going to release energy and toilet, (the Event)
5. They are excited by the novelty of new smells, sights and sounds, maybe new friends in a new place (the Place)

So where you go is always interlinked with the actual going. The Place itself doesn’t have to be “special”: it doesn’t matter if it’s a park or a couple of blocks of streets. What matters is it holds an emotional attachment for your dog.

Dog behaviour is shaped by Association

This fact underpins modern, scientific behaviour studies of how dogs learn. A dog learns to have a certain emotional response according to repeated stimuli in their environment. So it seems natural to assume that dogs associate places as well as living things in a positive, neutral or negative way, according to their experience of that place. For example, your dog might fear a particular spot where something unpleasant happened. Here, we would need to re-train their emotional response in that setting, so their world is back on its axis again when you cross that street. For anxious dogs, this could even mean the whole outside world. But the principle is the same, and behaviour modification regarding Place can work wonders. Likewise, every time you both have a good experience outdoors, you are reinforcing the association of that Place being a nice one.

Does the association carry Meaning?

Do dogs dream of Places? I don’t know! But what I do know is that when us humans talk about the meaning of something, we are talking about emotion. And of course, dogs are highly “emotional” beings, (more so than us). Would Woody “miss” the Sycamore tree if we went back? Of course not, because that location had not been emotionally reinforced. Even if it had – does emotional attachment mean he would actually “miss” it not being there? Probably not, because dogs are dogs, but we will never know. But let’s phrase it slightly differently. Would he feel a different emotional response – to us, something amiss – if we stopped going through a gate to a field because they built houses on it? Or no longer walked around that oak tree by a stream because it was felled? Or never turned left out the front door again, just because we now prefer not to? Without question, he would remember these Places from the past. And without question, there would be a different emotional response on some level.

So let’s appreciate the things – the Places – we do have. Let’s embrace their meaning. Our dogs do. And hope they are always there.

I always welcome comments! Do you agree? What’s a special place for your dog?

Eat. Sleep. Play. Love.

There’s something about dogs which makes us live in the present tense. The routine rhythm of your dog’s day can be life distilled to its simplest beauty.

I love camping. Proper camping. Not the glamping variety where you can have a TV, wi-fi, fridge… I’m talking about a tent, no electricity. It’s not for everyone, I know, but bear with me here. I don’t go on camping trips so often these days, which I put down to getting older! And preferring the creature-comforts of a solid roof over my head. The jury’s still out on whether the dog agrees with this. And whilst I’m not pretending to be a wild camper (try doing that in the UK these days), alone with the elements on some truly wild mountainside, the dog and I do appreciate the quieter, off-beat locations. At least I’m sure he tells me he does!

What is it that drives this pleasure? Apart from being cheaper than renting a cottage, of course. For me it’s something about having to address life’s most basic concerns: where can we sit that has some nice shade to keep cool? Or how are we going to keep warm tonight? What are we going to eat – from where, and how are going to cook? Which direction shall we walk in? It’s distilling life down to its most basic, and during the process, modern life’s other worries seem to evaporate away. It’s about what I call living in the present tense. I’m not thinking about yesterday, or tomorrow, just today.

I was thinking about this when I had to move the (dusty) tent in the garage, and I was in a good mood. This was because I recently learned that one of the dogs I had been training (too briefly if I’m honest) has now embarked on training elsewhere to become a Therapy Dog. I was so happy about this. Not least because of the joy I know this very dog could bring, however fleeting, into the lives of some people less fortunate than me.

We always read about how dogs and other pets are good for our mental well-being. For someone enjoying a visit from a Therapy Dog, the physical connection – being able to touch and stroke the animal, reinforces the “feel good” chemicals being released in the brain. Just observing an animal go about their business or being goofy. Or just being endearing that happens to make us laugh or smile. These all have the same effect. There have even been studies on the chemical and hormonal release in your brain of making eye contact with your own dog. (Hopefully this is reciprocated!)

To these known chemical reactions we are also talking about the less tangible but very real emotional benefits of interacting with a pet. Here I’m talking about the heart, not literally the head! It’s a feeling. And that includes someone having a nice greet with the Therapy Dog, not just a dog owner’s daily interactions – the good ones, that is! But there is still something else going on, perhaps on a more primal level, that accounts for why we feel just that little bit “better” when we have a nice pet, hug, or playtime with our dog.

Sure, there is a benign Ego thing going on: “She’s always so pleased to see me when I come home!” But it’s a two-way relationship: a dog’s unconditional love brings out the altruism in us. I remember asking someone if they ever thought about having a dog, and their reply always stayed with me: “I’m not really a doggie person myself, but I think I’m more drawn to people who have dogs, because they tend to be nicer people!”.

But it’s something much more than this. It’s about the rhythm of the day, stripping things down to their primal basics.  

There’s something about dogs which makes us live in the present tense. To live for the moment. Or just to exist in the Now.

I wonder what my dog’s thinking? I wonder what she’s dreaming about? Where shall we go for a walk today? Do you need some water? Is that itchy?! Is it dinner time yet? Where’s your favourite toy? Now there’s an interesting smell!

Training dogs reminds me every day of the beauty of their complexity: the subtleties of their emotional signals. And yet, for all their intelligence, they are driven by the simplest of things: eat, sleep, play, love. These primal instincts conduct the rhythm of the day. Today. And by co-habiting with our dogs we share in these things and begin to replicate them ourselves. And when we mutter sweet nonsense to our dog, because we’re crazy humans – come on, we all do it! – suddenly our worries about tomorrow seem less important. Even in just the smallest way. It’s that serotonin and dopamine kicking in, you see.

Of course dogs may have their own anxieties, but things like our love, or training, or whatever works, can help bring them back to being a dog, which is all they want to do. To live in the Now. That, and being a part of us. And when we bond with our dog, we share in that with them. Life distilled to its simplest beauty. Just the simple things. Just Today.

Jog my Dog – good or bad?

Taking your dog with you on a run can be a divisive subject, let’s demystify what’s going on

Although more commonly seen in larger cities, you are likely to see someone out jogging with their dog pretty much anywhere. Especially when the days are longer. Sometimes the dog is tethered to the jogger’s waist, though it could be on or off-lead too.

To clear the air and to be fair, what are the benefits of this pastime? The obvious one is that it helps with your time management, especially if you lead a very busy life. So the scenario might be that the dog won’t get their exercise at all, unless you can both combine your exercise together. There otherwise just isn’t the time in your day. And the physical and mental benefits of a jog with your dog, in theory, are obvious. You are both outside exercising, and the very fact of doing this together reinforces your bond. Right?

Well, this is a dog blog, so you know where I’m going to go with this! But rather than berate anyone for doing it, I want to highlight why I don’t think it’s a good idea. And maybe I can suggest some alternative ways of time management if this is an issue. That’s important, because some people jog with their dogs fully believing it’s a good thing for everyone. This should be distinguished from those who know better but still do it!

Today we will look at three reasons why I am suggesting jogging your dog is not a good idea.

1. Your dog’s walk is for their benefit. For their wellbeing and health. Any undoubted benefit to you, the physical exercise and mental rest and the like, is secondary.
2. Unless you own a Husky, your dog is not physiologically designed to run non-stop and may indeed struggle to keep your pace over a longer run. So you are storing up a health risk.
3. You may be creating unwanted behavioural issues in other contexts by creating frustration and anxiety. Because they can’t stop and be a dog.

Let’s take a close look at these.

A dog walk is for their benefit

For our dogs, a walk is a highlight of the day. They of course can burn off some energy by physically exerting themselves. Equally the walk is their major point of contact with the outside world. They learn a little more every day to socialise and cope with different situations by seeing them or being involved in them. They can meet friends old and new. Or simply observe another person or dog – they are interested in all these things. They can (hopefully!) hear birds, see trees, or even just become sensitized to man-made sounds. It’s all so interesting for a dog. Sight hounds will love to look at potential “prey” in the far distance. Or a terrier might like to have a little dig. You know what your dog likes…

Above all, they want to smell the world. They use their noses to find out and recognise who has been where, and what a new friend smells like. And I am sure a lot of things are interesting to sniff because they are, well, interesting! So, a dog walk is enriching in so many other ways than simply physical exercise. And they will certainly need to stop to go to the toilet, if not just a desire to ‘mark’. Our Duty of Care to our dogs means we should give them the choice (within reason!) about where and when they do this.

Dogs are not designed to jog

Adding to the many other causes of joint failure, arthritis, or even heart failure, we can add non-stop running to the list. Apart from a few select breeds, your dog is literally not designed and built to jog. Depending on the breed, they are suited to a wide range of pace of movement, but all of these involve regularly stopping! If it’s a warm day or your dog is getting on in years or happens to be a flat-faced breed, we need to take this extra seriously. If you attend an accredited Canine First Aid course, you will hear plenty of horror stories about this. 

Creating unwanted behaviours

If we are inhibiting our dogs from going at their own pace, being allowed to stop and sniff at their pace, or greet other dogs, we are building a sense of frustration in them. And frustration will start to resurface in the form of undesirable behaviours. This could range from excessive sniffing and marking when on a genuine dog walk. “Better have a good sniff now, because I don’t know when I will be allowed to do it again”. To destructive behaviours in the house. “I am frustrated! Let’s tear this up”.

If you are jogging with your dog off lead, you are opening the door to creating anxiety. Your dog’s time to stop and sniff at something is compromised by their fear of not catching up with you. There is constant pressure to keep on the move. Creating anxiety is exactly what we don’t want to do on a dog walk, as this can gradually build into reactive behaviours that were never otherwise there.

What if you still want to jog with your dog?

If you are on your own, and your dog suffers separation anxiety for example, then this would be a good opportunity to start talking to a dog trainer or behaviourist. If you want to jog your dog but infrequently, at least have frequent stops. Or, let them have a short but proper walk over the same ground you would be covering before your run. That way they can at least toilet and smell stuff! If the issue really is time, it would be better to walk the dog for a shorter time. At least it’s their time, and it’s quality time. But it’s also an opportunity to evaluate our lives, and why we have a dog.

Training aside and within obvious boundaries, the bottom line is anything that let’s our dog be a dog, is a good thing. So, letting them have their own time shared with you on a dog walk is the way to go!